Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is all about parental power. Some people cringe when we talk about the word “power”, because we do not want to do anything that may unwittingly damage the developing child’s self-esteem. Yet, power in parenting, simply refers to the ability to direct and influence one’s behavior.

Parenting is not an easy task.
It requires much consistency and the ability to let your child fail and not constantly rescue him/her. Doing for one’s self, builds self-esteem and feelings of competency. The two biggest things you can teach your child are: 1) the ability to self-discipline themselves and 2) the ability to self-soothe. If your child cannot do both of these things, then they will have a great deal of difficulty reaching their potential.

One way to teach your child to self-soothe is to let them battle with their fears of the dark, without you rushing to their aid to comfort them. Another way is to give them coping skills or “self-talk” to soothe themselves, when they are hurt, either physically or emotionally. The self-talk can take the form of “I know I’m hurting right now, but I know that I’m going to be OK.” Self-discipline is taught through the successful completion of chores and organizing one’s time. For example, insisting, that a child do his or her homework before they go out to play or that their room must be clean, before they are allowed to play a video game or take the car for a spin.

We encourage parents to find 5-7 things that children really value and rank order these things from least to most important. If your child does not comply with your demands, then you give them one warning. By giving them a warning, you are letting them choose and thus decide their own fate; either comply or suffer the consequences for not complying. This is how the real world works and is an invaluable lesson to add to your parenting repertoire. If they do not comply after the warning, then you calmly tell them they have lost something. If they still do not comply, tell them that they are about to lose something else and then take that away if compliance is not achieved.

Parenting is often a thankless task and one of the hardest jobs there are. Essentially, all parenting should be geared toward helping your child become a competent adult. It is quite ironic that successful parenting leads children to leave the family home.

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